I became a doctor to prove a point.
Of course, I also wanted to help people and make a difference.
But underneath it all, I did it to prove myself. To prove that I could. That I was good enough. That I was worthy.
And I’m not the only one.
Most high achievers and doctors (if they’re honest with themselves) do it to prove something. They have a chip on their shoulder and will push and push until they get there or die trying.
And I got there. It was bloody hard, but I did it.
Here’s the annoying part…
When I finally got there, it wasn’t what I expected it to be!
Did you notice that too? Ain’t that a bitch.
The reality really wasn’t what I expected it to be.
In fact, looking back on it, the whole journey of getting there was a fucking nightmare.
I gave up so much for it. So much time and money. There were so many disappointments, so many heart-aches.
So when I finally ‘arrived’ I was burnt out, disappointed and totally disillusioned.
It really wasn’t what I wanted it to be.
It got me down. Was it even worth it?
There were times when I thought something was wrong with me – I have what everyone wants, so why am I not happy? This was meant to give me the happiness I wanted. What else do I need to do to feel the way I want?
At the same time I thought, what’s the point in pushing towards bigger goals if it just ends up feeling like this?
I had to make a change. So I did what I thought was best – I started looking around for what else was out there; something that would give me the feelings I wanted. What was next?
There were so many options that I couldn’t decide which one to take!
What I told myself was that I wanted something that would give me more free time, more income and more flexibility. That way I could really LIVE life. I could travel, go on adventures and do cool shit so that life felt great.
But that was bullshit.
It was a smoke screen because eventually I got that too! And guess what?!
It wasn’t what I expected it to be.
What I REALLY wanted underneath all that, when I honestly and deeply examined where I was in life…
What I really wanted was a sense of fulfillment, a sense of purpose, meaning, and more excitement in my life.
I mean, what was I doing all this for? I wanted to live life and feel like I was fuckin’ alive.
Luckily (or unluckily) I also started a business as I was studying medicine at uni (because I’m clearly a sucker for punishment).
It began as a side hustle and then grew into something quite big. I busted my ass for years to make it happen.
Turns out I ALSO started that business to prove something.
I wanted to show people that I could do both – business and medicine.
I’m not just a doctor I do business too, biatch! And I live a pimp-ass life. I have it all! Muahahahaha
But guess what happened when I got there and the business was thriving?!!
Yep, it wasn’t what I expected it to be. Lol
Just like medicine, the reality of business isn’t what the TV shows and Instagram promise it is. Fuckers!
I was more miserable than ever before.
I even left medicine to pursue business and the same shit was repeating itself. Applying the same mindset to a different area of life produced the same results. I achieved my outcome but it felt empty.
It turns out it’s a pattern!
I was playing out the same pattern in different areas of my life.
And guess what?
If you’re still reading this, then chances are you’re playing out a similar pattern in your life too.
Look at it this way:
You wanted to prove yourself and be someone; you did it but it didn’t feel as good as you hoped; so you kept looking for more; you took on more work and more titles, always looking for the next thing in the hope they would fill that hole; and when you achieved more, again it didn’t feel like you wanted it to; so you pushed for more until you broke or you started to think there may be something wrong with you and that you’re missing something in life…
I’m here to tell you that there’s nothing wrong with you! You’re not missing anything!
You see, the problem isn’t your job or your business or your life situation.
The real problem is that you’re looking externally for the validation you want to feel internally. You’re looking externally for that sense of purpose, fulfilment and excitement.
And unfortunately, you will never find it there. Never.
Not in your work, not in your fancy position on medical boards that no one really cares about, not in your titles, not in a nicer car, not in another house or investment…
Not even in your kids.
It hurts to hear this but the hurt actually helps. Sitting in the hurt is the beginning.
None of those external things will ever give you a lasting sense of validation. It sounds cliche, but it can only ever come from within.
All the bells and whistles will never give you what you’re really looking for.
The key is: how you feel about yourself when you strip away all the titles, jobs and positions. The human you are. It’s about embracing and enjoying the process of what you do every day. It’s about working for something bigger than yourself and your bank account.
Don’t worry, this isn’t a sermon. At least not a religious one.
So, what’s the point? What’s your purpose in life if it’s not to be a doctor?
Being you is your purpose. It’s not external, it’s about being you, at your best, in your areas of interest.
The title of a doctor means nothing in the grand scheme of things. It won’t bring the fulfilment, satisfaction or excitement – you already know this. That comes from your habitual ways of thinking, feeling, the way you work and the life you lead.
You were worthy before you got the degree, from the moment you were born. And you still are.
If you want to work on this and apply it to you, we’re going to be delving into it here.
I hope this brings you some peace and reassurance.